25) Lift, Laugh, Love

It was late October when David’s workshop was delivered. You had both wondered how they were going to get the 20’ long, 10’ wide structure to the back of the property on account of the “moat” around the foundation. Within an hour though, a young man with a little robot dolly and a remote control had it on level ground exactly where David had wanted it. There was one point as you watched in pure awe, that you were nervous that the back of the workshop might be getting too close to the edge of the “moat,” the very competent ‘driver’ was unphased. He had a huge smile plastered across his face the entire delivery. He had told David that this was his business and that he absolutely loved what he did. You aspired to be that kind of happy with whatever it was you’d ultimately be doing.

Within a few days of the workshop delivery the skidsteer had been rented for backfilling the foundation and using the auger attachment to drill out the rest of the holes for the fence posts. David was dead set on getting the fence in… huge priority. You had mentioned that he still planned on renting the lift in a few days.

“I HAVE to get the fence in now, Vaness… you remember what they said at Lowe’s? Once we get that hard freeze… that’s it until next year.”

“I get that. I don’t disagree with that. I’m just saying that I think you should wait before you put up the posts… dig the holes and then put the posts in when the lift is gone.”

“Do you want to try and backfill the posts with frozen dirt?”

“I do not… but I also don’t think that we should finish the fence until we’re done with the lift.”

“It’s non-negotiable at this point. The fence was supposed to be up a month ago…”

“I get it and that was so the dog could go in and out on his own accord… but the basement is still not done, so either way, fence or not, we have to take him out until the basement is done… I just think that…”

“I’m putting up the fence.”

“Ok,” you did your best to conceal your annoyance. “Plans change,” you wanted to tell him, … “sometimes schedules get pushed back and we have to change our priorities and timelines…” and then you decided that if you were going to be like the remote control delivery guy, smile plastered to his face… that arguing over a fence wasn’t how it was going to be done… “Pick and choose your battles, young grasshopper,” you thought to yourself. You were feeling enlightened already.

You and Jackie spent the next week working on finishing up the basement demo. She had to head back home and you were happy to have her help for this one last push to finish what was going on a four month long project.

Halloween came and went. The weather had held off so long, but the week before trick or treat time, you were all quickly reminded of winter’s approach. The kids bundled up in their costumes, warm from candy adrenaline. It was 40 degrees out with a strong, unrelenting wind… yet inside your coats and layers, you were cozy enough. “This is our first Halloween in a long time that we’re not pouring sweat… you remember how hot it would always be for Trick or Treating in Florida?”

“Oh I remember,” said David.

You held gloved hands as you walked behind the kids, them running back and forth across the streets, a dark moonless night, the trees nearly barren, the smattering of homes with porchlights on and windows glowing bright. “This is nice, I’m not complaining,” you smiled.

“This is nice,” David said, sharing your take.

You squeezed his hand.

************************************************************

The lift was delivered a few days later. David was planning on tackling both of the gutters on the south wall. Even with the smaller lift rental he believed that he would still be able to get to both of them, just not the north side on account that this lift could only be operated on asphalt. You had mixed feelings about that. You were happy that the giant lift wasn’t coming, you were happy that the smaller lift would enable you to get to the gutter by the power lines (the 65’ lift was too big to fit without being electrocuted), but you were nervous about the proximity to the power lines and the whole, not being able to work on the other gutters. Those were just as big of a problem as the south side gutters.

“Hopefully we can get the roof shit all situated, the sanctuary leak and be done with this thing,” you had said to Jackie.

“Hopefully,” she replied.

“It always makes me nervous”, you had said pointing to the massive lift parked in the yard. There had been a mixup and the 65’ lift… not the 40’ had been delivered. “I don’t know if it’s the paralyzing fear of heights and the ‘OCD worst case scenario mindset,’ me thinking that something awful is going to happen to David or the lift… or… whatever… the lift just makes me so uneasy.”

“No I don’t think it’s either of those things. I’m always happy to see it go. It makes me really nervous too.”

“Really??” You were surprised by Jackie’s admission. You were sure that you were being way too overreactive about the whole thing… even considering that the last rental had nearly ended with David plummeting to his death.

“Yeah. I just always feel like something bad is going to happen,” she said.

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It was the day before Jackie was leaving. She needed to have dental surgery in Rochester and then would be heading home, David dropping her off in Pennsylvania afterwards. The two of you were working in the basement’s foyer, removing the remaining bit of plaster from the south wall’s stone, “I have to say… I’m really impressed with how well you’re doing on the ladder. I see that you’re getting more comfortable.”

“I guess I am,” you replied.

“Why do you think that is? Desensitization?”

“Maybe. Maybe at this point I’m so stressed about getting this fucking basement done before it gets too cold for the kids to be in the sanctuary that the stress is just overriding the fear.”

“Hmmmm… well I guess that’s good?”

“Maybe.”

You both laughed.

“You know, speaking of height desensitization… David said that I should go up in the lift with him to see the gutters.” After the whole, ‘wet basement wall before the backfill’ episode you and David had come to the realization that while some of the water probably was coming from the ground itself, that there was most likely a good deal coming down from the crappy gutter system, through the hollow walls and down to the foundation where it slowly leached out into the basement. You knew for a fact that this was happening on the south wall in the sanctuary and down into the basement foyer you were both chipping away at, and so it only made sense that the same could be happening on the north wall’s gutter system. David had been up in the lift the day before and told you that he was more certain than ever, after having inspected the downspouts, that this was where the water was coming in from. The problem was going to be coming up with a solution that would effectively keep the water from going under the roof’s membrane. You had tossed out some solutions but David had told you that they weren’t possible. You couldn’t understand why the ideas you had wouldn’t work.

“You really should just come up and look for yourself so that you can see what I’m talking about. You’d have a much better idea, and better solutions if you saw what I’m looking at.”

“You want me to go up in that fucking lift? That’s hilarious. And also, abso-fucking-lutely: NO.”

“Well you’re not helping me, tossing out ideas when you have no clue what’s going on up there.”

“So take a picture!”

“A picture isn’t going to do it!”

“Well that’s as close to the problem as I’m getting.”

And that had been the end of it. But David was still hemming and hawing on fixes, this was the last lift rental for the foreseeable future on account of the weather, and these problems were keeping your kids from getting into a heated living situation. You had two days of the week long rental left and you were seriously starting to consider going up in the lift.

“So…” Jackie said… “What do you think about going in the lift then? What did you tell David.”

“I told him ‘abso-fucking-lutely: NO…’ literally… but now… now I’m thinking that maybe I should.”

“Wow. That’s quite the bit of personal growth… the ladder thing… you being better with it… and now considering the lift?”

“I guess it’s that desperation thing kicking in. And maybe not wanting to spend another two grand on this fucking lift if we can’t figure this shit out. Money is definitely a motivating factor here…”

You both laughed.

**********************************************************

Later that day you went up in the lift. Up, up, up… “Don’t look down, Vaness… if you want, just close your eyes… it’s going to jiggle a bit, but everything is fine… you can’t fall out of the basket,” David had instructed you.

“And what if I pass out from fear? Will my body fall out of the basket when I collapse?” You were shaking a bit.

“No, I’ll just bring you back down to the ground… So should we LIVE stream this for your TikTok fans? I think this would be a great LIVE.”

“Me vomitting on live stream and then passing out and potentially falling to my death? I’ll pass. Just um… turn my phone on and toss it in your pocket… film it like your point of view or whatever… that way if I puke or die… that can just be edited out.”

“You sure?”

“Listen, just go. Before I lose my nerve and hop out of this basket….”

You closed your eyes and the machine came to life with the turn of the key. David walked you through it, how the basket was going to come up, then swing to the side then go up again. You took deep breathes and clutched the steely rail with white knuckles and soggy knees.

“David, I don’t think I should go any higher… I’m kind of starting to freak the fuck out…” you were so close to the gutter line… almost 4 stories off the ground… and your nerve had most definitely waned.

“Open your eyes,” David said.

You were a few inches from the brick wall of the church. The gutter sat a good two feet over your head. David had stopped short to show you the issues he was having on account of the size of the spout. You were surprised by the size of everything, even after seeing the pictures David had taken a few days earlier, they really didn’t help with the scale. You could understand his point about having to see the gutters in person. You also made the mistake of looking over your left shoulder, you were several stories off the ground and you couldn’t grip the basket much tighter than you were already, your body was rigid, your feet anchored in place. David walked to the far end of the basket, gingerly turning around to point out different issues on the gutter. You wanted to puke over the edge… except you didn’t want to hang your head over any edge.

“OK. Let’s go down. I want to go down now!”

“Fine.” Except that even with your eyes held tightly shut, you could feel the basket going higher into the sky.

“NOOOOOOOOO. I can’t do this! PLEASE BRING ME DOWN!”

“Vanessa you are less than two feet from the gutter line. Just calm down, you are not going to fall, and I’m going to show you the gutter and then I will take you down. OK?”

“I don’t feel like this is a choice.”

“Just keep your eyes closed.”

When the basket suddenly stopped with a lurch, you slowly opened your eyes, your head was a good foot above the gutter. David showed you the roof’s rubber membrane. The gutter was far more narrow than the pictures had let on and you now understood why your suggestions wouldn’t work. The two of you quickly devised a plan of attack until a stiff breeze moved the basket ever so slightly and you started with a jolt and began crying… “I HAVE to go down now.”

“Ok.”

The basket went down and your soggy knees quickly returned to normal. You were feeling much more brave back down on the ground. Nothing bad had happened with the lift. What a relief.

“Well will you look at that? Never thought I’d see that!” Said Jackie, her cellphone in hand… she had recorded your bucket trip from across the street.

“Good thing you both got it on film then because this shit is never happening again. I understand the gutter set up and now there is zero reason for me to ever have to go up in that fucking thing . Period.”

They both laughed. Later on when you all realized that neither David’s pocket video, or Jackie’s handheld video had recorded your lift experience you RE-assured them that there would NOT be a second take. And maybe it was better that no one had recorded you crying in a bucket.

****************************************************************

The next day you brought Jackie up to Rochester for her surgery. It went well enough. She wasn’t going to be able to talk for the next two weeks. She mumbled a few things here and there, as you drove but the ride home was mostly silent. She had packed up everything earlier that morning and after nearly four months of helping to demo the basement, she would be heading home. You listened to the radio streaming from your phone… The drive back from Rochester was a little over an hour, it was an easy drive.

The plan was that David would work on the last of the lift stuff. Since the wrong lift had been delivered he wasn’t able to get to the gutter by the power lines but while going up in the basket, he had seen that that gutter actually was still intact and so he wouldn’t need to get over there anytime soon. The two of you though had gone back and forth a bit about fixing the north side gutters. David didn’t think he could do it on account of how soft the ground was around the foundation, the newly installed fence, and the dry riverbed. You told him though that if he stayed north of the completed dry river bed, that none of that ground had been unearthed and was therefore solid and able to support the lift. You also knew for a fact, you even showed him a video you had taken from the first rental, that he had plenty of space to extend the lift’s boom from that distance and still make it to the gutter. “You just can’t go onto the dry riverbed or close to the foundation,” you had reiterated. You HAD to get the north wall’s gutter system fixed. He agreed.

When you got home from Rochester, David would be wrapped up on the lift, showered and ready to drive Jackie to Pennsylvania (a five hour roundtrip). You would stay home with the kids. This was the last day with the lift, it would be picked up the following morning. Jackie’s late afternoon appointment worked out well, giving David a full day of gutter repair.

You were almost home when the phone rang… David’s name came up on the dashboard, you clicked the green answer button on the car’s dashboard screen. You assumed he wanted to know how far out you were… just thirty minutes was what the GPS said, or that maybe he wanted you to stop to grab something on your way home… though probably not on account of Jackie spitting blood into the massive wad of paper towels you had taken from the Target restroom when you stopped to use their bathroom in Rochester… David would know better than to ask that of you both… what you weren’t expecting was his despondent voice on the other end of the line.

“There’s been an accident with the lift Vanessa…”

Your blood ran cold. He wasn’t dead… he was talking to you… the kids?! Except the kids wouldn’t be in the lift… had he crashed it through the church???

“Oh my god David! What’s going on?”

He was so upset, whatever it was that happened must have just happened. All you could picture was the 65’ lift halfway through the church’s north tower, a massive pile of rubble on the ground…

“The lift was sinking! It was going down right next to the building…”

You caught yourself… you said NOTHING about the lift being next to the building… you had both agreed that the lift would stay far away from the freshly turned foundation and stay to the north of the riverbed.

“Ok… what’s wrong? Are you ok?”

“No. No I’m not ok. I am so upset.”

“Ok. What happened? Should I pull over? Is everyone ok?”

“Everyone is fine Vaness. I just wanted you to know what happened before you pull up and see it…”

“See what David? What am I going to see??”

“The lift crashed through the fucking fence. I was sinking and the lift kept going deeper and I was afraid that I was going to tip into the building so I had to get it out the only way I could and that was through the fence. The fence is fucking broken. I don’t even know how to fix it at this point… It’s so fucked. And the dry riverbed is destroyed… the lift sunk right into the dry riverbed and…”

You caught yourself… you wanted to know why in the hell the lift was anywhere near where it had sunk into the mud but you didn’t say a word. You even wanted to comment on the fence and how it shouldn’t have been put up until after the lift was gone but you didn’t say a thing. You listened.

“Are YOU ok?” You interrupted instead.

“I’m not hurt. I’m just so upset. I’m angry with myself. I’m furious over the fucking fence… I spent so much time getting it perfect… I’m really, really, really upset and I just wanted you to know what happened so I didn’t get all the questions when you pulled in to see the splintered fence and your ruined river bed. I don’t even want to talk about it tonight. I’m just done. Drive safe and I’ll see you when you get home.”

He hung up. Your stomach was churning. “FUCK,” You finally say. “I can’t believe it. The fucking lift… two steps forward, and two other steps back… there is always something with the lift. Oh man… and the fence and the riverbed…. All that work ruined… ugh…. You know I told him to wait on the fence… for exactly this reason… well I mean I didn’t think crashing through the fence was going to be a thing, but just to make shit easier to maneuver with the lift… and why the fuck was he over in the soft mud??? UGH!!!!” Jackie is quiet, spitting blood and spit into her paper towel wad.

You catch yourself. You’re going for workshop delivery guy happy… not angry smashed fence fucked riverbed lady.

“Welp… I guess if we’re going to have a problem with the lift… I guess if we’re going to have had that unsettled, ‘something bad is going to happen feeling…’ and it did… that crashing through a fence is far better than David crashing to his death… or through the church… it’s just a fence and some fucking rocks… everyone is ok. That’s the important thing. We can fix all of that… it’s just more work… and with all the work we already have,” you’re chuckling at this point, “what the fuck is a broken fence and some damn rocks right?”

Jackie shakes her head in agreement.

“Coulda been way worse… that whole foreboding feeling… coulda been way worse with that lift.”

When you finally made it home it was pitch black out. The car’s headlights illuminated the broken fence. The beautiful, brand new fence, was indeed torn to shreds. A good 15 feet mangled; jagged strips of wood pointed in all directions cast long dark shadows on the dark, freshly turned dirt. Behind that the lights shone onto the riverbed; massive tire tracks from the lift had turned the carefully graded bed into a mess of uneven mud and stone.

“Well,” you said to Jackie, both of you hopping out of the car, you to survey the damage, her to get the last of her bags for her second leg of the trip, “I’m not going to say a word about waiting on the fence… kinda dumb at this point… and besides… the church is still intact… nobody is dead so… I’m not taking this as a big L… this is just… it’s fine.”

She shook her head and hurried inside.

Yeah… you weren’t going to be angry broken fence lady and mangled riverbed bitch… you decided that right then and there that night.

No… you were just going to add two more things to your to do list… ‘fence and riverbed repair’ and move on with your life. Surprisingly that actually felt good. At this pace you were going to be ‘happy as could be workshop delivery guy’ real quick… one mangled fence and fucked up riverbed at a time.

LIFT, Laugh, Love… the fence and dry riverbed before the… incident…