August 6th 2026

“No good deed goes unpunished…”

Never did that ring more true than the time that David swerved to avoid the turtle on the side of a very busy main road after I screamed and pointed then blubbered some sort of nonsensical thing about said turtle on the side of the road.

David managed to stop a good twenty five yards past the turtle. He put the car in park, hit the emergency blinkers, carefully checked to see if he was clear to hop out, then managed to dodge angry traffic that sped around him with all the ire of a Florida driver late for tee time or the shitty dead end job they really needed. Everything is an extreme in Florida.

Just like that stretch of road.

Cars and trucks roared past, defying the speed limit and our best judgement.

I had sat from the safety of the front passenger side seat nervously watching David run towards the turtle in the reflection.

“Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.”

When David hurriedly reached the turtle and picked the large shelled creature up to get it to safety a car swerved and honked loudly… David focused on the car, and luckily missed the visual of the turtle falling out of its shell… though he must have felt it because his neck swung around and your horrified husband who had just dropped the rotting carcass, or whatever was left attached to the shell in his hand quickly, reflexively, tossed the remainder of the turtle he was at least several weeks too late in saving.

When he finally managed to dodge the rest of the swerving, frustrated, honking procession that is Tampa Bay traffic, and safely made it back into the car, his face said it all…

“Don’t.”

Don’t say a word.

Shhhhhhhh.

Elaboration wasn’t necessary. You didn’t say a word. Neither did David.

You saw the rotting vessel, formerly a turtle in a shell, splat out onto the pavement.

You were quiet as David looked over his shoulder and snapped his seat belt on before putting the car into drive and after a final car in a long stream of vehicles swooshing by passed, pressed on the gas with all the force of a man who just had week’s ‘road hot turtle soup’ slop onto the legs of his pants.

Two miles and five minutes of silence later you asked him, “was the turtle ok?”

He rolled his eyes… “No good deed, Vaness… no good deed. You’re kidding right?”

“I saw it fall out of the fucking shell… yes I’m kidding. ‘A’ for effort though. Go team, good job!” You said with feigned enthusiasm.

“I gotta go wash my hands.”

“Yeah ya do…”

“No good deed…”

You and David knew the old adage well… you both knew better. What was that other saying though?

Something about a school and hard knocks.

You were gonna keep on stopping for turtles.

Or in this case… volunteering a quick little bit of your time.

That morning you saw your neighbor, the one who knew your and David’s name… who used it whenever she was out walking her dog; the neighbor you always felt really bad about not remembering her name, stopped to talk to you both. She was your neighbor who had told you all about her various maladies, her military service, her trips to Europe, her love of concerts, her family woes… You just wished you could remember her name…

Now you noticed her rubbing her shoulder.

You recognized that rub.

So you yelled across the street to her, loudly over her little dog barking at your terrified rottweiler cowering between David’s legs, “WHAT’D YA DO TO YOUR ARM? YOU OK?“

“NO. I HAD ROTATOR CUFF SURGERY LAST YEAR AND I THINK THE GUY DID IT WRONG. I WAS TRYING TO PAINT MY PORCH STEPS AND I JUST COULDN’T DO IT… SHHHHHHH! HEY, BE QUIET….! …… (then rubbing her arm again while the dog continued to bark) HURTS SO BAD. I WAS TRYING TO SWITCH UP MY HAND AND USE BOTH AND I DON’T KNOW… IT’S JUST NOT GOOD. I DIDN’T GET VERY FAR EITHER. I GOTTA GET BACK OUT THERE TODAY”

Without a hesitation you blurted out… “WELL I CAN HELP YOU FINISH IT! SHOULDN’T TAKE LONG. WHAT’S YOUR ADDRESS? WHAT TIME ARE YOU WORKING ON IT TODAY?”

Over her unrelenting dog she paused for a moment to consider the offer before yelling over the crazed canine, “I WAS JUST GONNA START IT AFTER I GET THIS GUY HOME AND THEN WALK THE OTHER CORGI…”

‘The other one,’ you wondered? You couldn’t remember her name AND the one dog that always looked a little bigger or smaller wasn’t actually one dog… but two. ‘Well I’ll be damned. Pffft… goes to show what I know,’ you had thought to yourself….

And later again when you finalized you coming over to help paint and she walked off with her dog… David turned to you and said, “I didn’t know she had two corgis. I only ever see her with one.”

“I didn’t know either. Maybe it’s because she’s older and she’s afraid of the two dogs pulling her over? I always thought she just had the one dog. Ha.” As soon as she had started walking away her corgi had immediately stopped barking. “I still feel bad I can’t remember her name. I’m terrible with names.”

“Me too,” said David.

“I hope you don’t mind,” you said changing the subject, “that I offered to go help her paint. I know we’ve got a lot to do at our place and I’m not trying to dump more shit on you…”

“No, I don’t care at all. It’s the weekend… I’m taking my day off.”

“I probably should have asked her for her address before I volunteered… would have been good to see what I was getting myself into, ya know? Before I got myself into it…”

David shrugged.

“I’m pretty sure she said her ‘porch steps.’ That shouldn’t be bad. Porches usually just have a couple of steps. Two or three? Maybe they’re a couple feet long. That shouldn’t take any time.” You were trying to quell your imagination… it was already beginning to feed you images of massive staircases…

“I don’t know, Vaness.”

You and David trudged up a steep hill, Ottoman swerved across the sidewalk sniffing every inch of the steep concrete path.

“You should probably text the neighbors though and see if they know her name, since you’re going over there. They probably know her name. They know EVERYBODY.”

“You think they’ll know who I’m talking about? The lady with the TWO corgis?”

“You could text them: hey ya know the lady with the various maladies, who served in the military, just went on a trip to Europe, loves concerts, has family drama… and TWO corgis… do you happen to know her name?”

“I was thinking about asking them. I think I will.”

Ottoman darted in front of David to sniff a fairytale crude slate retaining wall with fragrant little white flowers that had just begun their summer descent over the top’s ledge. David barely managed to side step out of his way, the leash encircled his long legs.

“What if,” you said… beginning to second guess the size of the unknown porch steps and what exactly you had just volunteered to do, began to weigh on you, “her house is known as ‘that crazy stair house?’ Like everyone in town knows that she’s got the fucking MC Escher house at the top of the highest hill in this whole damn place with stairs that just go on and on forever… I’m picturing a Dr Seuss illustration… I see stairs that just keep going and they get super tiny at the end. I picture myself perched way up at the top, balancing on one foot… a bald eagle screeching by and landing on my shoulder while I try to keep from falling or possibly dropping my paintbrush through a cloud… You think I just signed up for that?”

“Maybe. I don’t know, Vaness. I do know that you don’t know her name and I do know that I’m not going to go paint any stairs. That’s all you and I’m not co-opting it. Definitely not.”

You thought for a few minutes. David tugged on Ottoman’s leash as the two of you continued your ascent up the hill. A year in of walking this spot and it still left you gasping for air whenever you tried to hold a conversation while traversing its steep incline.

What did she think?

How high could they be?

Porch steps after all…

Are usually just two… sometimes they’re three…(you gasped as you clogged on).

HA! But no not these steps.

She didn’t know…

These were the steps…

That just go, go and go…

You paused to think for a moment and to catch your breath as you climbed on… Ottoman panted on his leash.

They went up this a way,

Then up some more here,

They dipped and loopy looped,

They went on for a year.

They jogged off to the left,

Then came back around right…

You could start climbing in the morning…

And still be climbing at night.

(David laughed at that verse… and you thought that for ‘off the cuff’, it wasn’t half bad. Now it was time to lean into the Seuss).

Take Timmy Who…

He started climbing at two…

Fifty eight years later and

He’s still got half to do…

Sometimes the birds,

Flying so high,

Will point up to their little bird-lets,

“Look at Timmy Who who’s still walking by…”

“Why the thought of climbing these steps,

Nearly has my bird brain fainting…

I think the only thing worse,

Would have to be doing all the painting…”

“What do you think, David?” You finally stopped, running out of stair rhymes… “You think these stairs are going to be quick and easy or did I just sign myself up for a day of harnesses and scaffolding?”

“I think no good deed goes unpunished.”

***************************************************************

You had to laugh when you got to your neighbor’s house. While you wouldn’t exactly have eagles perching on your shoulder, these were quite the steps to contend with. The neighbor, whose name you swore was Susan lived on a short albeit, very steep hill with two large flights of stairs, each with a formidable landing at their top and railings to link them all together in a steep wooden bridge to level turf.

Your other neighbors swore her name was “Susan,” too…

“Hey you know the lady who: served in the military, takes frequent trips to Europe, loves concerts, is dealing with some family drama and has TWO corgis.…? Do you know her name?”

“I thought she had one? She has two dogs?”

“Three actually. Two corgis she walks separately and an even smaller dog that she must never walk.”

“LOL I always thought she had one corgi.”

“Same. I guess that’s why it always looks a little different. LOL. You ever been to her house by the way? She’s got a ton of stairs….”

And she did.

She also referred to herself a few times as ‘Sue’ in the third person. You were right… not only about the steps, but her name too.

**********************************************************************

Several hours later and the steps were done.

She was, self professed, not much of a painter and was thrilled to find out that you were. The two of you chatted while you painted.

While you managed to do a fabulous job on the steps and landings, you had struggled. Not in the sense of the job itself, but rather in the manner of how you would end.

You and Sue could start at the top and work your way down… and then she… the same age as your mother, would basically have to bear climb up her steep front lawn, ORRRRRRR… you could start at the bottom and work your way up leaving her safely at the top, and you to navigate the step-less front 45 degree drop to get to level ground below.

Now had I know that we’d just be chatting and she wasn’t painting… I’d have done things a bit different but again… no good deed.

I should have worked my way down when I knew she wasn’t painting, hahaha… but instead, thinking she was painting too… I started at the bottom and worked to the top. When I finished I washed the dark New England coast blue porch and patio paint off my fingers (it was there for a good three days later too). After that I let her know that I may have painted her in for the rest of the day, said my, ‘goodbye…’ then sat down on her front lawn and slid down it on my ass.

When I got up Sue let me know that I had dirt all over my butt.

Thanks Susan!

Pretty sure there was a rock involved in that slide too…

*************************************************************

We had a great week.

Our oldest son turned 12.

Can’t believe he’s going to be a teenager next year!

Wow.

Time is flying.

We celebrated his birthday, per his request at the science museum and planetarium in Rochester. What a great musuem. After we finished up we went to Tom Wahl’s for burgers and ice cream. If you’ve never been, you’re missing out!

That morning we ended up walking by a yard-sale and scoring some amazing stuff… including a like new, really nice couch and mid century modern record player console.

In the evening we sipped on milkshakes and watched little birds fight over french fry bits under an outdoor pavilion in the waning late day sun. Fabulous day.

David got the belfry all sealed in… minus the pigeons. Did we talk about the pigeons? Yes? No?

We (David* lol) waited too long to seal in the belfry and now there are actual baby pigeons, fresh outta the eggs, baby pigeon kinda pigeons… and we can’t seal it up 100%. We’ll have to revisit that. In the meantime though it’s sealed in a way that you can’t accidentally walk out and fall 50’ to your death. Which is good. We’ll* (David*) pigeon proof it in a few weeks.

I started cleaning out Beverly’s room and with my family gone until Monday I’ll prbably finish it up this afternoon. David removed the back of the old bar in the kitchen and we moved Bev’s fish tank in there. I started a lot of decluttering and moving stuff to their more permanent resting places. I think I’ll be able to get a lot done this weekend with no one making messes behind me as I go… or I’ll just sit around and do nothing.

Who knows!

The world is my oyster here, folks.

These were fun, lol!

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The couch and cabinet we scored and David taking down old framing we won’t be needing.