October 25th, 2026

Friday sucked.

Probably the worst day I can remember.

Charles died and to make matters even worse, it was my fault.

I’ve been racked with guilt ever since.

He had a bad case of feather mites, I researched treatment and at this point I don’t know where I fucked up but the stuff killed him. It was pretty fucking terrible. I held him for eight hours while he slowly faded. The entire ordeal was traumatic for all of us and I shudder to think of how that felt for him.

I was his surrogate mama, the one who was supposed to care for him and keep him healthy and safe and I killed him.

I honestly want to throw up when I think about it.

I’m not going to focus on that. For my own mental health I have to let it go. So instead I am going to focus on other things.

Having the Trunk or Treat event on Saturday was just what I needed.

We had done it last year too.

This year we decided to top last year’s trunk decorating because of course we did so we came up with a theme. The kids had wanted to do “Backrooms” which is a horror movie that came out a while back and has been pretty popular ever since. If you’ve seen it I don’t have to explain it but if you haven’t: it involves a furniture store and lots of creepy scenery… piles of precariously and impossibly stacked chairs among other things.

Personally I didn’t find cramming our Honda Pilot with chairs all that alluring. Been there, done that… In case you’re wondering I can fit at least 14 (probably a few more) really nice metal chairs with thick blue upholstered padding that I got for one hell of a deal (16.99) at the Salvation Army. The only thing I found scary about that situation was the sign posted that said, “Due to our insurance policy we can not help load vehicles. Thank you for understanding.” Luckily though the two guys working there either hadn’t read the sign or were a couple of rule breakers and they helped me load up the vehicle. Amen.

Which basically meant that I was all set with the “Backrooms” theme.

Since Harrison’s party I’ve been on a bit of a kick… a Plants vs Zombies kick to be exact, so we opted… and by we I mean I… I opted to continue the obsession and made that our theme. I had planned to create a zombie and two plants on Friday as I knew it would take some time but with the passing of Charles I didn’t have it in me. So when Saturday rolled around I had no choice. We had already committed to doling out candy and me backing out because I was all in my feels was not an option.

When we signed up for the event last year we didn’t realize that it was specifically for local businesses and churches. There were no families decorating trunks. We are to my knowledge the only ones that have ever volunteered. As far as I’m concerned: the more the merrier and the event organizer agreed. Since we plan on eventually starting a business at the church anyhow, I guess why wait? So there we were… on Saturday, all systems go.

I had saved a large sheet of cardboard that had been laid down on our shitty laundry room floor. I pulled it up and got to work dividing it up with a pencil into a roughly drawn out grid. Whenever I draw on a large scale I prefer to do so using a grid system. I used to hate doing that because I suck at math and measuring and matching up my grid to a smaller grid on the image to get it right always felt like a loosing battle of the wits. My friend taught me a secret though years ago and it has revolutionized the process. Basically I draw a very quick grid onto my large piece of paper or cardboard… no rulers, no measuring, just eyeballing it. Then I take a photo of that gridded paper / cardboard and bring it into Procreate… a computer program I use that for all intents and purposes is like an illustrator’s version of Photoshop. In there I lay the photo of the gridded cardboard on top of the photo I’m copying. I create a new layer and quickly copy the haphazard cardboard grid then I remove the photo of the cardboard and my cardboard lines are on the image in an exact mini replica.

The process is quick and easy and it lets me fly through projects that I’d probably never even start because: measuring (yuck).

Beverly and Harrison both had dance so I started drawing the zombie right before Bev’s class. I was about two thirds of the way through it when I had to leave and get her to class. When I came back I had time to finish the rest of the zombie, a peashooter, and the last figure: a potato mine. The nice thing was that I saved a lot of time because when we moved into the church I started a running list of all the church measurements. Basically windows and doors so that if I was ever out and ran across replacements I’d always have the measurements with me on my phone. And because we’d need a way to transport that shit, I was smart enough to go outside and carefully measure the interior of my car. A Honda Pilot has a cargo space (when all the seats are down) of 48” across by 60” long by 30” high.

So when it came time to make trunk decor I knew that my zombie couldn’t be any taller than 30”. When Harrison was done with his class I had finished up all the drawing and it was time to cut everything out. It was also 1pm and we had to be there at 4:30 at the latest which meant that I was in a race against time. Lucky for me and my ADHD… last minute shit is where I excel.

David was nice enough to help me cut out the peashooter and potato mine. Beverly wanted to help and while… and I do hate to admit this but I will… I would normally not have wanted any help because I’m a bit of a perfectionist… I wasn’t in the spot to turn down a hand. I wound up setting up shop on the kitchen floor with our cutouts and two paper plates loaded with paint and two sets of brushes and I put Bev to work on the potato mine. Secretly it was killing me inside to hand off my creation to a kid… I know… I’m terrible… but I let it go and honestly I was taken aback by how well she did. I mixed up the colors for her, showed her how to mix the brown to just the right shade and gave her step by step instructions. We won’t talk about what my blood pressure probably was at, but she definitely rose to the occasion. When it was done it wasn’t perfect, the teeth were a little funky and the eyes weren’t quite right but… the important thing was that she was so thrilled to paint with me and I know this because she told me on more than one occasion how much fun she had.

During all of this time David had planned on going as the cab driver from Scrooged. I was a bit annoyed and I get it as I’m reading this out loud: Jesus Christ Vanessa… lighten the fuck up… and you wouldn’t be wrong BUT… what in the absolulte fuck does the cab driver from Scrooged have to do with Plants vs Zombies? If you guessed: nothing… bingo. You’re correct.

“You know we’re doing this whole theme and you’re just doing your own thing and it’s kinda not making sense and taking away from the whole thing…”

“So what are you saying?” David had wanted to know as he stood there with his fake cigar and cab driver’s hat in his hands.

“I’m saying that a cab driver has absolutely nothing to do with Plants vs Zombies and considering that our target audience here is on average five years old… I don’t think any of them are going to get your Scrooged reference either.”

I know: I’m a monster.

“Well what are you going to be?”

“Honestly David… I don’t know… I’m just trying to finish this in the hour we have left. Maybe I’ll put a pan on my head like the Dave guy from the game… I don’t know… but I’m really running out of time.”

David left and reappeared at 4:00 wearing a disheveled suit and tie just like the zombies from the game along with a full face of green zombie makeup. He totally nailed it.

“So what are you going to dress as?” He wanted to know.

“Myself… a lady that waited until the last minute because her bird died and she just finished everything up and is doing her best to keep her shit together.”

“I’m in full green face.”

“And you look great.”

“You wanted us to be on theme…”

“Right… but like sometimes being on theme means not dressing up…”

“That makes no sense.”

“Like the cab driver.”

David rolled his eyes and stuck the parking cone on his head…

The event started at five and we rolled in there at 4:37. Luckily our trunk took hardly any time to set up. David took his role of standing there looking like a zombie very seriously and he stood next to the car for two hours hardly blinking or moving except on the occasion to say “brains…” Everyone loved our trunk and his costume.

What we didn’t love was trying to get the green off his face. We used reusable makeup remover pads that we washed and rescrubbed numerous times before he hopped in the shower for one last scrub. When he was finally de-greened we came downstairs and watched The Book of Eli with the kids. Yes it’s graphically violent. Yes it’s rated R. Yes they liked it and honestly if you asked me there’s far worse parenting fails… like not letting your eight year old help you paint a Plants vs Zombies potato mine for Trunk or Treat.

Today we will bury Charles. David made him a beautiful little wooden casket that he carefully constructed and stained a dark brown to match all the woodwork in the church. We had found him in the front yard and so we decided that is where we will bury him, under the wildflowers we planted this spring. At some point we will mark the spot with a concrete bird bath and a little plaque dedicating it to him. It might seem a little over the top but that’s kind of how we roll.

When you consider that this might very well be the only little pigeon in the history of pigeons that was ever laid out in a casket in a church’s sanctuary for 48 hours before burial, it all makes sense.

In our church’s 133 years… we’re pretty sure that this is another first.

Our trunk all tricked out for Trunk or Treat. Not too bad for a mourning pigeon mom and her last minute attempt to get her shit together.